


A "Freak Imposture"

by Cheeseanonioncrisps



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Animals, Aziraphale is (inadvertently) a bastard, Bickering, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Drabble, Gen, Queerplatonic Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Zoo, aziraphale is behind the times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-22 14:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22684024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheeseanonioncrisps/pseuds/Cheeseanonioncrisps
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley go to the zoo. Crowley has something he wants to show Aziraphale.***They eventually arrived at the tropical house, where Crowley pulled Aziraphale past various interesting plants and animals until they came to a small enclosure near the back. Crowley jabbed a finger at the glass. "See!" he said triumphantly. "I told you, angel. I fucking told you they were real!"Aziraphale leaned forward and peered through the glass. "Crowley!" he said, shocked. "What have you done to that poor beaver?"
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley
Comments: 35
Kudos: 100





	A "Freak Imposture"

"Come _on,_ angel!"

Aziraphale huffed, but allowed himself to be dragged along by the arm. He and Crowley quite enjoyed going to the zoo usually— Aziraphale liked admiring the effort that had gone into designing all the different creatures, Crowley liked going into the reptile house and making faces at the snakes through the glass— but today the demon had been oddly distracted, and seemed eager to hurry them through the exhibits as quickly as possible.

"You know, my dear, it's really rather hard to get a good look at the animals when you're going by them so quickly," Aziraphale said.

Crowley didn't slow down. "We can go back and look again later. It's not like you don't know what they look like anyway. You've _seen_ an elephant, we've bloody ridden one, for Satan's sake."

" _I've_ ridden one," Aziraphale said pointedly. "As I recall, you fell off."

Crowley winced. It was not a very good memory and, if Aziraphale hadn't acted very quickly at the time, he would have had an even worse one of trying to explain _that_ discorporation to Hell's Resources Department[1]. "Look." He paused and turned to face the angel. "Just let me show you this and then we can go around all the other enclosures for as long as you want, okay? Even the mongooses[2]," he added.

Aziraphale thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. "Alright dear boy, lead the way."

They eventually arrived at the tropical house, where Crowley pulled Aziraphale past various interesting plants and animals until they came to a small enclosure near the back. Crowley jabbed a finger at the glass. "See!" he said triumphantly. "I told you, angel. I fucking _told_ you they were real!"

Aziraphale leaned forward and peered through the glass. "Crowley!" he said, shocked. "What have you _done_ to that poor beaver?"

"What? I– what have– what?!" Crowley spluttered. "Aziraphale, I didn't _miracle_ it like this!"

Aziraphale ignored him. "I'm sure the poor creature can't be comfortable. Change it back at once."

"But it's supposed to be like that! I told you. That's just what they're like!"

"Oh really?" Aziraphale folded his arms, looking distinctly unamused. "And what would you have me believe in next, I wonder? A manticore? A griffin? A cockatrice? The Fiji Mermaid, perhaps? Honestly…"

"But, angel… I…"

_"Change it back."_

Crowley groaned, but snapped his fingers, and a moment later a rather confused looking beaver was sitting in the pool in the enclosure, watching him.

"Thank you." Aziraphale beamed. "Now, come along. Don't sulk, dear boy. Let's go back and have a proper look at some of the other animals."

"I'll catch up to you angel," Crowley said. "Just… just give me a minute, okay?"

"Alright then. Don't be too long."

Aziraphale went off to coo at some brightly coloured birds that were wandering loose, and Crowley went back to looking at the animal behind the glass. It's rare to find a beaver that one would describe as looking impressed, but this one looked even less so than was usual.

Crowley sighed. "Sorry about that," he said, feeling slightly embarassed. "But you don't know what he can be _like_. I'd have never heard the end of it if I didn't change you."

There's a very special feeling that you get when you're exchanging looks with an animal and realise that, not only does it not regard you with the respect and awe that you surely deserve as a higher form of life[3], but it is, in fact, actively judging you. Crowley shuffled his feet and pretended that it wasn't happening. "S'alright for you," he muttered. "You wouldn't have to put up with him looking all _disappointed_ at you. Or Closing[4] the bookshop on you."

The beaver didn't seem to regard this as a very worthy excuse. Crowley sighed again, snapped his fingers and returned it to its original form. "Once again," he said. "Sorry."

He heard Aziraphale calling him. "Oh, Crowley! Come and look at this!"

"Coming angel," he said in a voice that was equal parts exasperated and fond.

He shot an awkward look at the animal. "Gotta go, duty calls." The animal looked like it might be rolling its eyes at him, or at least trying to. It was hard to tell in a creature that didn't appear to have any visible whites[4] to its eyes.

Crowley took the insult all the same. "Well, what do you know?" He scowled. "You don't know him." And he walked off after his angel.

The platypus watched him go and then swam back into the deeper end of its pool with a sense of relief. It had been a very strange day.

1 _"Well, I was drunk and there was this elephant..."_ He shuddered. At best they would have given him an infernal amount of paperwork for taking unnecessary risks with his corporation. At worst they would have let the information leak out to _Hastur_ or somebody, and he'd have had to put up with trumpeting sounds following him down Hell's corridors for the next century. [return to text]

2Crowley _hated_ the mongooses. It wasn't that they were any real danger to him— glass barriers aside, he was pretty sure that he could swallow about ten of them in one gulp in his snake form— it was just the way they looked at him, with their little red eyes, like they _knew_ what they were looking at. It was disrespectful, that's what it was. And the fact that Aziraphale clearly found the whole thing incredibly amusing didn't help. [return to text]

3Well, okay, very much a _lower_ form of life in Crowley's case. But a very high up one. Higher than any stupid _beaver_ had any right to be, anyway. [return to text]

4This had only happened once, and was well worth the capital letter. During the summer of _Pokemon Go,_ Crowley had, in what he maintained had been a very funny, if not very well thought out move, arranged for several rare pokemon to appear in Aziraphale's shop. The angel had been driven nearly frantic by the constant stream of 'customers' until he finally figured out what was going on. It was the first time Crowley had ever found himself unable to simply miracle the shop door unlocked from the outside, and it had taken several pastries and a rare first edition of _A Christmas Carol_ before it would open for him again. (To this day, Crowley wasn't 100% sure whether that had been a deliberate act by Aziraphale or whether the shop itself had simply felt that he'd gone too far and decided to teach him a lesson. Frankly both were equally likely.) [return to text]

5Or yellows, as might be the case. [return to text]

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: When stuffed platypus specimens first made it to Europe, a lot of people refused to believe that they were real. They assumed that they must be fake taxidermy animals, like jackalopes, or the Fiji Mermaid mentioned by Aziraphale (which was actually just the top half of a monkey sewn onto the bottom half of a fish). 
> 
> The title is taken from this article:  
> https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/why-19th-century-naturalists-didnt-believe-in-the-platypus  
> and it is a quote from a 19th century anatomist's description of a platypus.
> 
> The inspiration for this fic came from my realisation that Aziraphale believing that dolphins are fish wasn't necessarily him being 'bad at science', but potentially just him being rather out of date, since a lot of scientists did classify cetaceans as fish for centuries. This got me wondering what other old-fashioned scientific 'facts' Aziraphale might still believe, which lead to this fic.
> 
> One day, since I do feel kinda sorry for him, Crowley will find a way to persuade Aziraphale that platypuses are indeed real. That day is not today, and might not come anytime soon, but Crowley can be patient.
> 
> Kudos and comments would be adored! ❤️


End file.
